For your birthday, your aunt gave you a maple syrup dispenser shaped like a rooster. Please write her a thank-you note:

Dear Aunt Bea, Thank you for the rooster syrup dispenser. You have always had a great knack for thinking of the most creative gifts to give. Jan

If you were a cannibal, what would you wear to dinner?

I would need to wear my fanciest clothes to dinner so my guests would not be suspicious of the night's events. After cocktails, I'd finish my attire with a big bib (like the bibs you get at Red Lobster) to catch any blood spattering that may occur. Yuk....

You like the squish of mud between your toes; how would you live your life as a frog?

As a frog, I'd find the wettest mud, dive deep into it, and squish the mud in my armpits.

What did you dream when you ate a spider while sleeping?

As a spider crawled into my mouth while I was sleeping, I was dreaming of walking into an old abandoned home that was empty for two hundred years. The cobwebs tickled my face even though I tried to move them with a sweeping motion of my arm. An eerie feeling overcame me the further into the house I got. I got a feeling that someone was walking their fingers around my neck in order to choke me.

Your people want to make a statue in your honor. What will it be made out of and what victory will it commemorate?

My people know that the only stone suited for me would be diamonds. The huge diamond monument would represent all my victorious escapes from ex-husbands, ex-colleagues, ex-disasters. I'm a diamond in the rough.

What spells can you cast with magic markers?

Abbra Kadabbra, My magic blue marker can put a "ill" spell on any person wearing yellow. The spell makes them turn green.

Your hand has been replaced by a rubber stamp. What does it say?

My hand stamp says in fancy script font, "Brilliant". No matter what I put my hands/mind on, it turns out brilliantly. (According to my standards)

If you were trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky, describe how you would get out.

The long-horned goat acts just like a dog. As I bounce the slinky up and down like a yo-yo, his head follows with anticipation of playing. My superwoman idea to get out of the well safely is to sit on the goat's head and bounce the slinky so it goes up first, not down. If I can do this high enough and fast enough, the motion of the goat's head will fling me to the top of the well. If that doesn't work, then I'll use my superwoman powers to wrapped the slinky on the goat's horns, and throw the goat over the top. As the goat goes over the well opening, the slinky will catapult me to safety.

You're in the grocery store with a broken cart. How will you ever be that hungry?

Broken cart or not, everyone clear a path, I'm coming through. Broken carts will never stand between me and ice cream! Ice cream of any flavor is fine; however, give me cookies and cream, and I'll be your best friend forever.



I think of my high school best friend when I eat a DQ Oreo Blizzard. My friend loved Oreos dipped in milk. The easiest birthday present I got for her one year was a bag of Oreos.