Who me? OCD?...

Wow, I think I went through some type of withdrawals not blogging for one week. After posting just about everyday since May '09, I think a habit was formed. 528 posts! I don't even think I stayed at a job that long. Well, maybe a few days longer, but, not many more. I get bored easily.


Bob and I are getting all of the kinks worked out of partnering as cohorts in Lakes Trading. It's interesting and frustrating to pair up a hoarder of all paperwork with a perfectionist who has OCD tendencies. PICTURE THAT!


I, also, need to be developing things. Answering phones and reading about what's happening in the world is not my "cup of tea". It's also bad reading when there are grammar and punctuation errors. ugh... drives me bonkers :-/

I looked back to see what Bob and I were doing one year ago today. Bob was recovering so well that he was ready to break free from the VA. His eyes weren't working well together though; however, today, they coordinate great. We played strategy games that were quite easy; today, I have to concentrate on challenging games that we play, if I want to come close to winning. "WE'VE COME A LONG WAY, BABY." (Am I bad? Talk about bad writing. I made a mistake in last year's blog. embarrassing)

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I've come to the conclusion that my t is well enough that I don't need to blog about him on a daily basis. One positive attribute that he has acquired from this event is a very mellow attitude. He has, for the most part, become soft spoken. What I mean is he doesn't use as much profanity, and he doesn't talk as often. (Well, I guess not talking much was a "before" attribute too.)


I believe I will have more to blog about, if I blog on a weekly basis or if I have something that desperately needs said.

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING

remember Bob in your thankful prayers

We have a lot to be thankful about!

Your challenge...

I happened upon a few websites, like Today Show, Oprah, and Regis and Kelly, who do weddings for "special" people. I believe Bob and I are unique special people, but I felt weird boasting about my commitment to Bob. I thought it should be coming from Bob; however, he doesn't remember, as well as, he doesn't realize the number of blogpage posts that I posted.

So there's a challenge for all of you, my dedicated readers. There have been over 36,000 times my readers have logged into whatnowjan.com. Who would be more perfect to tell their perception of our story than the you, the reader.

Much better day...

Much, much better day today. I felt like I was talking to the "normal" t. (Is t normal? hmm.. debatable) ;-) Bob tried to teach me some basics about commodity trading. His last comment to me was, "You're making this a lot harder than it really is." I need to take the brokers test to become an actual broker in order to help with the clients. (I already have ideas for visual materials to publish. I can't totally transfer away from my instinct to teach.)

Bob actually voluntarily rode the exercise bike today for 20 minutes. We are fixing up a part of our garage to be an exercise area. Think that will motivate us to exercise? Time will tell.

Two friends from the band Bob plays in back in Minnesota called today. The calls helped his mind stay clear. At least that's my opinion.

paranoia or denial?...

I'm not sure if I'm overly paranoid or in denial. A few days ago, Bob had a lousy day. Then, the next two days, he is better in some ways, but other ways not. He is still sleeping in his chair more than usual. I believe it's because he doesn't get up to move. I keep telling him to stand up and do some jumping jacks. (That would be funny.) Am I in denial? I don't want the same thing to happen as 18 months ago. Eighteen months ago, the day before Bob had his stroke, he slept all day. Bob doesn't have his shunt in his head anymore, so is there fluid building up inside his skull? Am I paranoid? Should I relax?

I emailed the doctor to see if she'd order a CAT Scan just to ease my worries. Haven't heard back yet.

A liitle reminder of a few months ago...

Today was not a good day for Bob. I feel like he took a few months step back today. He sat in his wheelchair all day. He slept most of the day in his wheelchair. When he was awake, he wasn't "with it". He seemed confused about a lot of things. He didn't have very good bladder control, either. One time during the day, Bob got so angry that he showed a mean side of him that I've never seen before. Scary...

I watched him like a hawk. His behavior was making me nervous. He kept telling me things were fine. It was rainy and cloudy; maybe he had a little "blues"

Usual day...

What can I say? It is Saturday. We cleaned all day. I won a game of Backgammon. Bob won one game. Penn State lost, bad. Ducks are still playing, but winning by 2 points. I helped Aunika with her Master's homework. Bob slept some of the day. We talked shop. No exercise. Ate dinner; Aunika cooked. :) (write that on a calendar! It doesn't happen often, but it was good.) I worked on my online class. Then, it was bedtime. Bob had a down day when it came to memory. He seemed tired.

Typical day.

Guess what I did...

You will not even guess what I caught myself doing tonight! I was sitting at the dinner table all by myself in the quiet. No, that's not the weird thing. The weird thing that I caught myself doing was reading a Corn and Soybean magazine, and, understanding it! OMG, what is going to be next? Wearing overalls and a flannel shirt? No, pink Carhartts tucked into Muck boots with pig poop stuck to the sides. hahahahaha.... If anyone knows me, that's way too funny!

Bob and I are alike in more ways...

As I read a national MS (Multiple Sclerosis) magazine today, I realized that Bob and I are "in the same boat" on some health issues. Bob had an attack on his brain, and MS attacks parts of the brain that prohibits signals to go to the muscles. For example, he has a neurological health problem and so do I. Sometimes, cognitively, our brains don't work well. Bob's is slow on memory, and my memory to come up with words sometimes doesn't work well either. My memory isn't as extensive as his, but it's similar.

We both get tired easily. At times, I'd like to contribute that to age, however, I'm not even 50 yet. I get tired, because I have to work so hard to get my muscles to move. Bob has to work hard too, because he laid for so long, and he has drop-foot, which requires him to lift his left leg higher when he walks.

Woo-hoo!!!...

I had the crap scared out of me today. Bob and I were going through our normal morning routine of, "Where do we live?" "What state do we live in?" "Where is that in the US?"... Usually, on the first question, Bob answers "Roseburg" after a long, digging deep in his brain pause. Then, I follow up with the remainder of the questions. This morning he answered, "Roseburg, 2147 SE Lois Drive, Roseburg, OR 97470." I asked him, "Where'd you come up with that?" (because he always needs coaxed to give the full addressed) He responded, "Well, that's where we live!"

Boy, did that moment feel so weird, but wonderful at the same time. Isn't it funny how memory fools the one with memory loss and the one who deals with another's memory loss.

Bob has another day of silence. I still have laryngitis. His hearing is being challenged now. So far so good.

Silence is golden sometimes...

I woke up this morning with laryngitis. My kids love it, but they miss me yelling. See, it's the small things that mean the most.

There was no yelling in the Lakes Trading office either. Anytime I felt my t mess up or he refused to do something, I couldn't raise my voice; it just squeaked. The only thing I could do was jut my bottom jaw/teeth out, wrinkle my brow, and give a little snarl.

I believe I had a "light bulb" moment. I think some of Bob's slow thinking problem has to do with self-confidence. He has been well aware of his lack of short-term memory. He doesn't want to answer questions or have many conversations for fear of being wrong. Maybe it's partially my fault for correcting him so many times. I've been answering for him for a year and a half. It's become a habit. I keep picturing myself as a little old bitty that won't let her husband stand up for himself. That's not a vision I want to portray.

A glimpse to reality...

Bob is recovering miraculously. He survived an event that most people don't live through to talk about. Funny thing is, Bob lived through it, but can't talk about it either. :-/

Even though I've portrayed things as being back to normal, let me give you some downsides. I keep saying Bob's memory is getting better each day. Well, it is; however, he can't remember to take his medicine each day; he doesn't remember where our bedroom is (most days); he doesn't remember where the bathroom is (he asks where it is just about every time.); he hasn't remembered our address, and he doesn't remember how to do basic tasks. I need to retrain him on how to do things; which is ok, I can train him how I want things done, and he doesn't question me or give me a suggestion on how to do the task differently. (I bet all the females reading this are jealous!) He calls Zachary "Joe or Isaac", and sometimes thinks my son is visiting for the weekend.

Bob doesn't remember most of our conversation, though, the conversations are educated and nice while they are going. Bob knows he doesn't remember. He tries so hard and is determined to remember; he just can't. It will come. I know it will. I haven't given up. You know me- Will I give up? No.

My hair isalready white...

Zachary, my son, passed the written part of his driver's test on the first attempt. When he came out of the DMV, it was difficult for him to contain himself. Great, now I have to train two people how to drive. If I start babbling like a fool, you'll know why. My hair is already white, so going gray from stress is already done. I hope it doesn't fall out. :-/

Bob and I went for a walk today instead of doing the wii for exercise. He zipped right along the entire way. He even extended the distance a bit longer. Walking back to our house is all uphill. The grade is slight, but it gives enough of an incline to make Bob huff and puff.

Bob knows his short-term memory sucks. He tells me he needs to start writing things down, but he forgets that he needs to write things down. I know I can remind him, but I need someone to remind me to remind him. geez....

Challenge...

Who's up for a challenge? Our challenge is to just exercise on a continuous basis. Bob and I, once again, attempted the wii fit. This time we both made it to 10 minutes. That's four more minutes than the last time. This time we worked more towards a well-rounded workout. We incorporated aerobics, strength, and balance. You would never guess Bob had a musical background while he attempted aerobics. He got better as time went on. I guess that's part of the fun. :-)

We're getting fit! We have a long way to go, but we've put one foot forward.

Chicago...

Oh dear, I'm a few days behind. Bob and I were in Chicago. The weather was great. We left just in time. The weatherman was calling for snow.

Chicago is too fast paced for two slow-pokes like Bob and me. People (strangers) in Chicago were helpful, but could get irritated quickly if you lolligag. We weren't trying to lolligag.

It was great seeing family and friends. Bob's two boys drove to Chicago from MN to visit.

I'm going to vomit...

Getting the taste of working on the road. I'm glad I learn fast, because I'm learning new things and I'm trying to look intelligent at the same time. :-/